Magnum P.I. “Don’t Eat the Snow in Hawaii”

Magnum P.I. “Don’t Eat the Snow in Hawaii”

I need some rich friends. I mean really. I love the friends I have, and they’re all nice to me. But none of them can give me free access to a guest house on an estate in the middle of a tropical paradise, or the keys to a Ferrari 308 GTS, or the gift of a refrigerator containing an bottomless supply of beers, wines, and whiskeys. Was it really beyond my powers, over the last twenty years or so, to befriend one insanely rich pulp novelist with a compound on the Big Island? Damn it how I’ve misspent my life.

Because none of us gets to be Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV, we have to settle for watching him. And from the first five minutes of the pilot of Magnum P.I., it’s clear that, some minor inconveniences aside, he lives a wish fulfillment life that would even have James Bond rethinking his career choices. Those checking out the Wikipedia entry for Magnum P.I. will see comparisons of this show to The Rockford Files, but the differences between them can be spotted from their opening credits sequences. Rockford spends a lot of time doing what appear to be chores, hitting the streets, going to jail, looking through binoculars, and buying overpriced groceries during a period of heavy inflation. His one recreation appears to be fishing with Rocky. Magnum drives a Ferrari, rides around in helicopters, performs athletic feats, and admires the well rounded behinds of the Big Island’s cutest bathers. His only problem appears to be Higgins. While Magnum isn’t as pure and perfect as Tom Selleck’s Lance White character from The Rockford Files, he does seem to fit more comfortably in the wish fulfillment side of the genre than does the big J.R.

Still, into even the poshest life, some rain must fall. In this story, Magnum investigates the death of an old friend who was found dead on a military base, his belly stuffed with cocaine. The Navy says he was smuggling, while Magnum thinks he was murdered. Investigation-fu and car-chase-fu ensue.

The producers were wise to pick Tom Selleck for Magnum. He’s got an ease about him and sense of mischief that makes it hard to stop watching him. Certain actors have the kind of charisma that will allow them to carry any plot, and Selleck is one of them. This is a good thing, because the overall plot of this pilot isn’t particularly inspired stuff.

Pilots serve two functions: introduce the main character relationships, and give the audience a sense of the pace and tone of the shows to come. The pilot does the first job well. Magnums relationships with Higgins, T.C., and Rick are well established. What the show does less well is maintain the momentum of the plot. Magnum’s contact with his antagonists is limited, making it harder to sustain a sense of urgency in the proceedings. (I suspect that Robert Loggia did his role as a favor to someone, because his character is so thinly developed that it seems unworthy of his skill.) The Vietnam flashbacks tend to disrupt the story’s flow. Does the information they convey about the main characters outweigh this tendency? The question is debatable.

Also, the female lead’s character lacks interest and definition. I’m loath to blame actress Pamela Susan Shoop. I don’t think she was given too much to work with besides being told to act upset and emotionally needy, but I couldn’t help but think how much better Lindsay Wagner was at handling a similar, if better-written, role in The Rockford Files.

I also thought the car chases could have been better choreographed. To paraphase Chekhov, any story that shows you a Ferrari in Act I should show the Ferrari doing 150 mph or better by Act V. During the car chase that saw Magnum pursued by two thugs in a junker, I wanted to see that Ferrari fly, but I doubt Magnum got it out of second gear. The chase seemed to move at about half speed, and I wondered why Magnum, rather than doing his clay pigeon impression, didn’t just floor it and vanish. If his pursuers’ Rustoleum-mobile could have done more than 55 mph without the wheels falling off, I’d have eaten my desk.

Also, I did wonder why Robin Masters billets bikini girls at his place when he’s on the other side of the world? I’d understand if they, like Magnum and Higgins, served some function on the estate, but instead they seem to live just to frolic and flirt with Magnum. Does Masters leave them there just for that. If so, Magnum has a real pal there, and it just reminds me how much I could use a rich friend.

I’ll accept any offers.

Any.

Please.

Next Week: China Doll